This is the city. It was Sunday July 15th, The sky’s were cloudy with a steady rain we were working the day watch out of metro division flying around in my helicopter, buzzing bridges and peeping into people penthouse windows. That’s when the call came in my police chief request an emergency meeting, I summoned my minions, my name is Bloomberg. The chief briefed us about a serious incident that took place on the subway platform last Tuesday. We can’t let this kind of thing get out of hand I told them. We’ve taken care of more serious crimes here in the city, trans fat’s movie theater popcorn, soft drink abuse. We’ve banned churches from donating food to homeless shelters, and that toy gun buy-back idea we got from my home boy Rass Baraka over there in Newark is working out just as it’s meant to. But like any big city we still have our nuisances to deal with, murders, rape’s, a few cab drivers shot in the head from time to time but surely nothing to be concerned with. We’re spending our time fighting terror attacks, most of them imagined of course but it get’s good press. As proud progressives we tolerate most things in this city so long as I approve of them first. We sold off most of our city’s landmarks to the communists, built a really cool mosque where those two big eyesores of a building used to stand, I’m glad there gone. They blocked the view to my pal Jerry’s place across the river in Jersey City, I hear he’s building a new tiki-bar to celebrate. We’re a progressive, tolerant society here in the city, I demand it. But if you think for a moment it’s ok to come into this city and dance on my subway platform’s without proper I.D., your ass is mine!

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